Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
not ubering you a puppy
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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