there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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