If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
