3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
