I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
that is very illegal...i love you.
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