my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I lost the right to judge tonight
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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