omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
