i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
