i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
