oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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