Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm passing your future prison.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
