I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
