Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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