The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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