She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
