after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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