The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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