I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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