I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
