he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
