Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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