this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
