the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
