Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
