I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
