You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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