When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
