woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
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