I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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