I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my phone needs a breathalizer
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
