i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
