Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
