first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
