last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
