i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
