i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
