I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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