I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
