the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
