A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
