CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
dude. I can hear the air.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
