we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
