he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
