Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
