Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
