Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
