I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
