CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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