It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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