how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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