Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
