you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
